hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
