funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
