In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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