Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
