The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
