Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
