You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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