You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
