No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
