The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
