Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
