I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
