Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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