I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
