Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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