i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
