I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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