you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
