i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
