well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
