she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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