just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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