Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
