The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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