I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
