erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My bed smells like the plague
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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