I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God, I missed his penis.
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