Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
