She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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