everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
