I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Boobs speak an international language.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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