Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
