thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
