Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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