I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
