I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
