Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
