oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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