in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
