wakey wakey hands off snakey
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Boobs are out for the taking
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
