Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
