I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
