Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
a search helicopter?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
