just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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