Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
