Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
