Porn is love you can see.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The ass gains better be worth it
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