There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
