I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
