dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
