i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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