everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
