so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
