Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
two words...techno handjob
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
